Mom's letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Hi, it's me, another going crazy mother of two.  I would like to start by saying how grateful I am to stay home with them ALL DAY. 

Sometimes I think I wouldn't want it any other way, but let's be honest, because you already know, most of the time I wish there was someplace else I could go.

Being a parent means we don't have gifts under the tree. However, my kids are four and two of course they expect something good from you. I figured why not ask for a couple of things. It would be fun to see what Santa can bring. 

Have I been naughty or nice?  "Come on, I'm a mom, every morning is a roll of the dice." I only yell with good reason and trying to keep it down since "tis the season." 

I do my best to be a "good enough" mother. I never promised to be better than any other. 

One- A handbag is always appreciated. I'll take another ,Tory, Louis, Kors or even a Gucci. 

From any store will do. Nothing to small, I am a mom after all. 

It has to fit my occasional lipstick, their juices and snacks. Something that doesn't resemble a backpack. 

Two- Maybe some make-up, but who do I see? My days of acting and modeling are far behind me. I'm currently playing the role of  "permanent tired mommy".  

Three- Clothes are an option, Nordstrom, H&M and I love J.Crew. 

It doesn't really matter what I wear around my two. 

Whatever you pick will be fine. I normally wear the same few things all the time. 

Let's get serious with real needs. A facial, waxing, and nail appointment are long overdue. A day off with pay would be awesome too.

The one gift I'm always happy to receive is a bottle of wine that is just for me. You can never go wrong with some type of alcohol. :)

Maybe as a mom that's bad to say.  But, seriously what else can I look forward to at the end of my day. 

Whatever you decide to bring me I'm happy to accept. Being a mom to O&M is truly the best gift I could get. 

Let's all remember It's not about receiving but giving.. So feel free to give to me.. Ok just kidding :) 

Merry Christmas! 

I can take a hint...we won't be friends

Can't believe I've been in Baltimore for three years.  Time really goes by fast when your with kids all day.  One struggle I seem to face with being a stay at home mom is making friends.  Meeting other moms with children. I often think about how much fun it would be to have play dates or lunch dates. Call and say, "what are you guys doing today."  Just being able to share a laugh, whine to, or drink some wine ;) would be lovely.

Wish I could say, "it's me not them."  But so far, it's the women I've met.  They don't like me.  Truth is I'm not always the friendliest person. (shocker, I know)  However, since I've left CA, I've been forced to step out of my comfort zone.  Signed up for meet-up groups where I walked into homes of complete strangers.  Joined Stroller Strides for two years. I spent three mornings a week walking around an outlet mall pretending I was really working out.  While, trying to make small talk with woman that could care less.  Attended a few play group events and mom's night out (sorry, but Olive Garden should never be a MNO option) just saying.  I finally realized I was never going to fit in.

When we moved to our now home in February, I had hope for new friendships.  One evening Alex mentioned he saw a mother and her little boy down the hall from us.  He adventually convinced me to introduce myself (again, out of my comfort zone).  The introduction went well, so I thought.  Her son was 2 1/2, she was home all day, and she didn't know a lot of moms in the area.  Perfect, right?  Wrong.  Ever since that first introduction I only receive a small grins from her.  The couple of times I've seen her outside I did ask about going to a children's museum or another kid activity.  Never, did she say "oh, we should meet, or get together."

I started to realize we were never going to be BFF's when I ran into her at the train museum story time. Not exactly a happening place, unless your a member.  Happy to say, I'am.  On our first visit I brought my MIL with me. Always nice to have help at story time with two kids.  Stuff can get pretty crazy up  in there.  I spotted her ahead of us at check in and part of me felt a glimmer of hope.  The hope for future train meet-ups.  I quickly turned on my (I really care voice) and said, "look girls it's Charlie, hi."

Her response, a head turn in my direction with a grin.  Seriously?  Do I not live four doors down from you lady?  Since that day there have been a few other head nod moments.  Times when I'm running outside, walking into the building, or just out an about.  However, her husband has no problem saying "hi Adaline", anytime I see him.  My husband likes to say, "oh, did you see your boyfriend again." Hey, I can't help it if someone is polite.

Maybe one day I'll get annoyed enough to say, "hey what's up with your wife?"  Why doesn't she like me?

However, the final straw has been drawn.  I took my youngest to a play gym class outside of the city.  Guess who walks in before us?  Yes, my nice neighbor. Once again I received a head nod after saying hello.  Went through the entire class without saying a word to each other.  I even tried to shove my kid into hers for some interaction.  Nothing.

I may sound whiny about this but it bothers me.  Sure, there are more things I could try.  More excuses I can make for her but it's time for me to say, "what-eva's."  My small cool chic's and I are taking our ball and going home (or down the hall).  Your loss lady!

Finished the full race.

Here is my recap of the uphill and downhill climb.  Did my best to break it all down for you.

1.  Felt good at the starting line even if I didn't make it to the restroom one last time.
2. The race begins I'm great for two minutes, then I trip. Yes, I did it, fell again. Luckily it was not serious (skinned knee) but I thought I would get trampled if I didn't get up fast.
3. I did a good job staying with my pace group. (3:55) Then I passed them after the hill on mile six Yay!
4. Saw my husband cheering on the side at mile eight. Early enough I was able to smile and wave for the camera.
5.  Mile 10-12 rain started. Thought,  "oh, they'll have to stop the race". No luck. Rocky theme song "Eye of the tiger", was playing as we turned a corner. Now I feel like a real runner.
6. My husband is cheering me on again at mile 13. Half Marathon done with a good time of 1:53. Only 13 more miles to go.
7. Mile 14 we run by our building and I see my little ladies with in-laws. So cute, I gave them high fives an hear them say "go mommy".
8. Thinking I might live through this thing after all. Grabbed a bag of chips and banana that were handed out. Then up a hill to mile 16. Band was playing "Sweet home Alabama" as half marathoners were merged in.
9.  Legs are starting to feel heavy and I decide to walk, and focus, again. A man running the half offers me a Motrin, then asks if I want to split it. " umm, no". What am I back in my club days being offered some party pill. No thank you! I pick up my feet and start moving.
10. Close to mile 18 the worst happened. Up another hill and my left knee felt as if it was going to collapse under me. I was screaming in my head. " No,please!"  Then pacing group (3:55) passes me. I might as well toss in the towel now. There goes my good time. Bye Bye. Mile 20, and 21 were tough. I wanted to cry and just stop altogether. My knee was hurting. I stood on the side for a second, looked at my phone and saw the battery was dead. A nice police officer asked if I was ok and if I needed water. Wow, people are nice to me.
11. My feet and knees are moving again up another incline and I'm just focused on breathing. Five more miles I can do this. Wish I had the strength to fix my time but couldn't do it.
12. On mile 24 the downhill begins. Going down hill would be great if it wasn't so painful. Uphill is so much easier at this point. I'm now thinking, "where the 'blank' is mile 25 already, come on!"
13. Spectators on the road are the best. Cheering everyone on, saying "almost done" and "you got this". Some people were even handing out cups of beer.  I begin thinking, "Wow, I just ran a marathon". Crazy! Got a bit teary-eyed.
14. There it is, the finish line.  I can see the balloons. The crowd is getting louder. If only I could sprint pass the 70 year old man who looks like he may fall over, I would feel so much better.  I see the clock and I'm thinking "please don't start with a four ". But it did and this race is finished. 4:04 time.
15. There is my very supportive husband waving to me an saying "You did it!"  My happiness and exhaustion are mixed together. Please give me my medal, free food, and get out of my way. I want to sit, now!

Funny, I use to wonder what people thought about while running for four hours. Now I know. You just think about the mile ahead, pray for strength and hope all the people you passed don't pass you.

Till we meet again Mr Marathon. Believe me, we will. It's on. You might be 26.2 miles of struggle, but I'm a mom of two little girls under age four. You can't break me. I'm now a Marathoner!!

Running my first full...

The day I've been training for, the past 10 weeks has arrived. I'll run my first full marathon tomorrow.

While on the pavement I've had sometime to really think about why I run and who I run for.  I became interested in running around 12 years old. I would run with my aunt & mom. I ran my first 5k wearing Keds because I didn't want to wait on the sidelines for my mom.  After running 5 half's and reaching a nice PR of 1:44 this year, I knew what was next.  Running is who I'am.  I'm not creative.  I don't have a career.  I'm now a stay at home mom with two little girls.  Running lets them know that mom can do more than have tea and dance parties.  More than get dinner ready and take care of them all day.  I can really do something for me.

There is nothing easy about running.  I've fallen a couple of times.  My knees ache once in awhile. My legs are sore at night.  My toenails are officially disgusting.  My husband has given up every Saturday morning of relaxing and sleeping in, to watch the girls and walk to farmers market (it's very cute).

Running gives me the chance to feel proud of myself.  Not everyone can run a long distance and I've always admired anyone who can.  I'm running for my parents (wish they could see me finish) I'm running for my husband (because he's with me everyday ) I'm running for my girls (I want them to know they can achieve their goals) and I'm running for me.  So I can enjoy more wine :) jk

No matter what happens tomorrow I'll know that I did it.  Nothing can take that away (accept for the rain that is expected).  Thank you Jackie @ fit sparrow for believing in me when we've never met. It's been fun.

Waiting for break time

Wouldn't it be great if mom's could walk out and take a break anytime?  Unfortunately, the day starts as soon as the first child shows up at our bedroom door.  Letting us know it's morning time.  Then your up and hit the ground running or in my case dragging.  I don't mean to be grumpy when I first wake up but I like to wake up on my own please.

When I signed up for this job called "parent" I didn't read all the fine print.  Your life no longer belongs to you.  Please leave sleep, daily showers, free time, regular workouts, reading, eating normal meals sitting down, girl time (if you have friends), shopping alone, and looking decent in public at the door.  None of these things will be required for this job.  I'm lucky if I get to shower everyday. Sounds gross but a lot of thought has to go into the shower process.  You can't just leave a 2 year old alone with a 3 1/2 year old and think everything will be OK.  Someone will get hurt.  I can bring all three of us into the bathroom, with toys and iPad. Then peek out of the shower curtain every few seconds and decide if conditioner is necessary.  Other option is to let them watch Disney JR from my bed while I yell out of the shower "are you OK?" and "where is your sister?" every couple minutes.  The third option, wait till they are both napping.  However, if one kid naps in my bed that means "be quiet".  Thankful for sound machines.

It's nice when you've been awake since 5:45 and the entire day is waiting for you.  "What are we doing today mom" is my three year old's favorite question.   "I don't know about you two, but mom wants to drink coffee, watch Today show, and workout".  However, it's not about me.   Playtime begins, sister's teasing each other continues,  requests for drinks are yelled out, messes throughout the house are made and mom begging for nap time starts.   It's all part of the morning shift.  Suddenly its 12:30 and I try to think of a healthy lunch to give them.  Grilled cheese on organic bread again, yay!  That's always a crowd pleaser.  Mom will wait for her lunch coverage to walk in.."Oh wait, what did you say?"  No one is going to give me a break today...that's just GREAT.

Next step in treatment...Surgery

Wow, I haven't posted anything since 2011.  Guess a second child keeps you pretty busy, tired, crazy and entertained.  "Now a mother of two and trying to survive" should be the name of this blog.  I also don't write to offer any advice.  I have none.  Sharing a story once in awhile helps me relax, laugh and appreciate life challenges.    

Our little lady Olivia was born with a Hemangioma on the left side of her face.  Just one of those bizarre things that can happen.  As if being a new parent isn't scary enough lets just toss in a rare medical condition.  Going through our experience was horrible but we made it :)

Every expectant mother claims not to have a preference when their pregnant.  Secretly, of course they do, liars.  I always knew I wanted a little girl.  I often tell Olivia "I prayed for a little angel and Jesus gave me you".

After spending her first year of life on medication three times a day.  The second year with pulse dye laser treatments (6 so far) to help with the redness.  It is time for her first reconstructive surgery tomorrow.  We originally planned to start this in November of 2011.  But for several reasons we decided against it.  So glad we did.  Now that more time has passed a less invasive procedure will be performed.  The surgeon is going to add some definition to the upper lip and below her nose. Where scarring is from the ulceration, she had at three months old.

Everyday I wonder if I'm being a good mother.  Something we all ask ourselves.  Am I being a good role model (probably not).  Do I show my girls enough affection?  Do I get upset too much?  I hope I'm not raising bratty girls.  Is this discipline book I'm reading really working?  They should eat better food.  I'm terrible when it comes to nutrition. Did they even eat three meals today?  Is one Eggo considered a meal?   I feel terrible that we can't enjoy the outdoors more.  But that's Maryland's fault not mine.  Tomorrow I will ask myself did we do the right thing?

Olivia continues to teach me about life everyday and she's only three.  If I could be half as sweet as she is to others I may have more friends.  I pray she never losses that.  Tonight I held her hand while she fell asleep.  I kept thinking, my baby has to go through so much just to look "normal".  To help make life easier as she gets older.  When she's already perfect to me.

I'm thankful for the wonderful doctors we've had throughout our journey so far.  I will be praying for our surgeon and nurses tomorrow.  And of course our little girl..procedure to go well and a easy recovery.