Quote 2

"Who's screaming now"? I asked my sister when she answered the phone

Her answer, "No one is screaming they're playing". "One day you will know the difference".

Really, will I? I find that hard to believe. Right now I'm trying to learn the difference between a hunger cry, sleepy cry and need to burp cry. I don't care to learn the scream for fun cry.

I never thought...

I never thought I would rather shop for Olivia than myself. "Really, it's true". I don't know how or when it happened. I knew our baby was going to be a girl and shopping would be fun. However, I didn't know if I had to choose an item for myself or her she would win. The sad part is, she has no idea what she's wearing and could care less. My baby girl is 4mos old and her only friends are Sophie a giraffe and Bow Jangles a wind chime rattle.

So, I' am now Olivia's personal shopper. I don't get paid for this job but I can take a ton of photos. She is a great client. She never complains, sizes go by age, I know what colors look best on her, and I make sure she is always dressed appropriately for the occasion (laying down in crib or stroller). I know one day she will be able to thank me for not making her look like a clown and not putting crazy prints on her. I try to be her voice and think about what I would want to wear at her age. Good thing most baby clothes are not expensive and there is always a good sale somewhere. Bad thing is babies grow so fast and may only wear an item once before it no longer fits. I adore baby shoes but they are just an accessory and not a need. Most shoes fall off within an hour of being placed on her chubby little feet.

Now, I do think about shopping for myself a lot but staying home does not require a huge wardrobe. Daily attire consists of basic T's, jeans, and flats. I do skim the style magazines to learn what's in and what's out just to pretend I need to know. For now it's all about Lady O. It's her world and I just live in it.

Quote

Quote for today: "I'am never going to be one of those people to say it gets easier."

From my sister with a screaming 2 year old in the background

My response: "Good, I want the truth."

In life we all face difficult times with work, family, health, money, and friends. I don't think our first response to someone is "it gets easier or better". Just a thought.

New mom's lie

Once you have a newborn your automatically signed up for a baby competition. Imagine meeting a group of friends for a morning jog then you arrive to find out it's really a race. "I didn't sign up for this." You haven't trained, your not wearing race shoes, and you don't know the course. This is how I feel talking to new mom's. There is a need to out run each other. They tell you to call them for advice or just to vent anytime. But, when you do they end up sharing how great their baby is and how wonderful life is. Once you share your troubles they sigh and say "It gets better and time goes by so fast." Their tone is annoying, making you feel so beneath them. Suddenly, their 7 month old is so much older then your 3 month old..they can't even remember that far back. Really?

You tell them your not able to nurse anymore and you might as well have bad body odor then run on the other side of the street. Breastfeeding moms have a need to show off plain and simple. Even if it started out difficult, became easy and now they can feed with their eyes closed. I lasted 3 months and they're trying to last a year. Sorry, but having a 1 year old sit on my lap to nurse while she's trying to watch "Yo Gabba Gabba" at the same time was never my goal. The best question so far, "have you considered buying breast milk?" Are you serious? "Would that be down the baby aisle and can I use my Ralph's club card?" What works for some may not work for others...NEWS FLASH

Trying to set a schedule, figure out a routine or just let the baby guide can make you crazy. I let them know my little lady has a hard time sleeping and they tell me their kid sleeps 7 to 7. Really? How does this help me? I ask about diapers and their precious is almost potty trained. Really? I'm looking for simple baby toys to keep her entertained. Don't bother, their child only likes adult objects (remote controls or a phone) and can't have anything from China. I ask for bathing advice because my baby cries but they can't help. Mommy and baby take a bath together everyday and have since birth. Really? I did try this, my baby girl spit up on me twice and screamed the entire time. I tell them my baby has colic, meaning she's super fussy all the time. They have to look the definition up. Their little one only cries when hungry, tired, or wet. Really?

Maybe I should make up a perfect baby.

She sleeps from 7 to 7 and won't make a sound when she wakes up. Just lies there with eyes open waiting for me.

When she needs a new diaper she kicks her right leg up twice. (started at birth)

During feedings, she holds her hand in front of her mouth in case she spits up. (wouldn't want to dirty mom)

She blinks her eyes 3 times to let you know she's tired. (please place in crib)

Oh, she Loves bath time....can't get enough. Smiles and coos the whole time

Won't touch plastic toys has to be wooden only

Yes, new mom's lie. Baby life is tough and there is no easy way around it. If it was so easy there wouldn't be a need for all the baby books. Perhaps the new mom's I know are just bitter because I had a dream delivery. Four hours start to finish without any pain medication, no horror story here. While mom's get over it, baby life is kicking my butt so your winning this race....for now.

*I'am very blessed to have such great friends who offer me advice and they are very fortunate to have enjoyable baby time...I hope to be there soon:)

It's Good Enough

I now have a new phrase that I recite at least three times a day, "good enough". These two words are perfect for everything I do during the day. I often say them when I'am finished with a chore. Being a new mom means having less time. It's either speed things up or don't bother doing them at all.

When to say "good enough"...

Your to do list has 5 items on it but you only have time for 1.

Your baby usually wakes up the second you start a chore.

Your baby is crying and soon the cry will get louder, possibly grabbing the attention of neighbors.

When chores require "good enough"...

Taking a shower. You might have 3 minutes and use one all over soap for hair, body, and face. But hey, at least you are using soap. GE

Giving the baby a bath. It can be difficult to undress a screaming baby then place into a plastic tub of water. You do your best to clean the important areas. However, if they won't move their head to wash under the neck, oh well. GE

Eating and drinking coffee. No one cares that you are starving. You make your morning coffee for the taste and to wake up. Just a sip is all you get before the baby is in need of something. Forget eating meals you now get bites. There will soon be plates with half eaten stuff laying around and cold coffee to enjoy. Breakfast becomes dinner. GE

New title

I wrote an email to a girlfriend recently just to vent and share, my last written line was, “I love being a mom”. She responded today and addressed that particular line. Saying she felt a bit guilty because she does not always love being a mom. To be honest, I didn’t remember writing it and had to scroll up the page to read it again. There it was staring at me, “I love being a mom...”.

I should have written, “I love being a mom to Olivia”. The title mom has be earned over time not something you are just given because you gave birth. I don’t consider myself a mother yet. Everyday can be the same or very different. We are constantly facing new challenges and having to flip open the Baby 411 book for assistance. I lack confidence in all my baby decisions and second guess everything I do. Such as, how to organize her closet, when to give a bath, does her cry mean hungry or sleepy, is she warm enough at night and am I doing anything right. I ask mom’s I know questions all the time because some advice might be helpful. However, not even advice can make me feel confident.

Do I sometimes get out of bed during the early morning feedings thinking not again, sure I do. I am human and not long ago I was able to sleep when I wanted. Should I feel bad for thinking this way? When she is crying most of the day and we can’t seem to help her do I think “why me”, sure I do. There was a pre-baby time when you think everything will be simple babies are suppose to eat, sleep and poop. People forget to share the crying, colic, acid reflux days with you. Funny you only hear about this after your baby is born and you are drowning in your tears. Suddenly, others have been there too but forget to warn you. So the truth is, babies eat when they can, sleep when they are not hungry, and can cry a lot of for reasons unknown.

Now I know this information, do I love being a mom? I love Olivia more than I ever thought possible and if she needs me to be her mom then I will do my best everyday.

I'am a runner again...maybe

Today I was given an opportunity to do something I love, go for a run outside. The last time I went for a nice run was early in my pregnancy. A run is so overdue I should be fined. I spend everyday inside holding and comforting my baby girl. I am starting to forget what it is like to spend time with my thoughts.

So the clock struck noon and I started to get ready for the outdoors. The running shorts, sport bra, and t-shirt were hiding in a basket inside my closet. As I put on the gear, I felt as if I was once a running super hero and all my speed powers were coming back to me. I had a feeling the run was going to be short and perhaps painful. But the moment my legs started to move and feet hit the ground I could feel myself breathe again.

I have never been passionate about much in my life (prior to Olivia) except for running. The idea of drinking my favorite martini or enjoying a nice shopping trip don't compare to hitting the pavement alone. There I was breathing in and out and moving down the road. Playing JT and Lauren Hill on my Ipod and I was set. Some of my old memories of BB (before baby) flashed across my mind. For the first time in a long time I felt like myself again. My life has changed so much and it is no longer just about me and my wants. But it is now about her needs and wants. I now need to figure out how to keep ME in the picture and not get lost in all the day to day stresses.

Running is my way of feeling strong again. It helps clear my mind when I want to cry or scream. It gives me a feeling of some control because I know once I walk back into the nursery, the control belongs to Olivia But for this brief moment in the day my time is mine and that means everything.

While the run itself was slow for me, I was not going to break any PR's. I did stop for a minute to think , I thought "wow, how much longer do I have to do this" and "if I stop and walk will anyone ever know?"

Maybe someday I will be ready to push a jogging stroller at the same time and that will be another story. For now I will continue to face each day as a new race with Olivia in my arms trying to make it to the finish line..meaning making it through another day.