New title

I wrote an email to a girlfriend recently just to vent and share, my last written line was, “I love being a mom”. She responded today and addressed that particular line. Saying she felt a bit guilty because she does not always love being a mom. To be honest, I didn’t remember writing it and had to scroll up the page to read it again. There it was staring at me, “I love being a mom...”.

I should have written, “I love being a mom to Olivia”. The title mom has be earned over time not something you are just given because you gave birth. I don’t consider myself a mother yet. Everyday can be the same or very different. We are constantly facing new challenges and having to flip open the Baby 411 book for assistance. I lack confidence in all my baby decisions and second guess everything I do. Such as, how to organize her closet, when to give a bath, does her cry mean hungry or sleepy, is she warm enough at night and am I doing anything right. I ask mom’s I know questions all the time because some advice might be helpful. However, not even advice can make me feel confident.

Do I sometimes get out of bed during the early morning feedings thinking not again, sure I do. I am human and not long ago I was able to sleep when I wanted. Should I feel bad for thinking this way? When she is crying most of the day and we can’t seem to help her do I think “why me”, sure I do. There was a pre-baby time when you think everything will be simple babies are suppose to eat, sleep and poop. People forget to share the crying, colic, acid reflux days with you. Funny you only hear about this after your baby is born and you are drowning in your tears. Suddenly, others have been there too but forget to warn you. So the truth is, babies eat when they can, sleep when they are not hungry, and can cry a lot of for reasons unknown.

Now I know this information, do I love being a mom? I love Olivia more than I ever thought possible and if she needs me to be her mom then I will do my best everyday.