I never thought...2

Today was the first day we left Lady O with a sitter. I never thought, I would be that paranoid mom who panics the entire time away. Surprise, I'am. My agent called a couple of days ago to let me know about an audition in Irvine. This would be at least an 1 hour and 1/2 drive each way. Of course traffic is going to play a big part in the drive. My sweet husband offered to drive me (carpool is the way to go) and suggested we leave our lady with my sister & mom.

The idea was to spend time talking and enjoy the drive together. Did not happen. I could not even take a car nap. My only thought was "how soon can we be back home"? I really tried to focus on the audition coming up but it was difficult. I was so relived to see only 5 girls in front of me. A short wait means we would be back on the road very soon.

What did I think was going to happen to my baby. She would scream the entire time? She would wake after a nap and see I was not there when she woke? The ulceration on her lip would bother her and make her cry? She would be really gassy during a feeding and not eat? I really had no idea what could go wrong. Maybe it was just a case of the "mommy worries". Instead of making the drive enjoyable I made it miserable.

Once we made it back to by sisters house, I see my mom outside holding O in her arms. O just had a blank stare on her face and I could hear her saying, "mom I'm fine, calm down". Yes, for one afternoon I was that crazy psycho mom.

Just a thought...

I'm thinking about filing a missing person's report, for my old body. It should read something like this... Fit 5'4 119 pound female body missing. Was last seen first week of April 09 (when it discovered a baby was growing inside). Lost somewhere between Conception street and Delivery way. Was possibly wearing a pair of fitted Hudson blue jeans, t-shirt baring toned arms and 4'inch stiletto shoes. If found please contact temporary body, the UN-TONED female at 858- I'am-Lost. Thank you

Baby Books

Are new moms suppose to read the baby books before the baby arrives? I have been trying to read a couple of baby books for the past four months. I could really use some guidance. Lady O is now five months and I never finished Baby Wise. Maybe that is one of my problems? I never had the chance to understand her feeding times. Now, I am trying to read the Baby Whisperer and I carry it everywhere. Will reading a page a day get me anywhere? Probably not, I won't ever add that title to my resume.

I really wanted to learn about setting up a sleep schedule and I'm envious of mom's who have it figured out. "Nobody cares". Everyday that passes without me reading is another day of less sleep. So, one book tells me to follow the E-A-S-Y plan. Meaning= Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time. I think the Y needs to be dropped because it never happens. You really don't get to sleep when the baby sleeps. Once the baby goes down I can open mail, pay bills, return any important calls, make the bed, start laundry and anything else that NEEDS to be done. What is YOU time suppose to mean? Oh I know, its your time to finish reading this silly baby book.

One more thing, my baby is not E-A-S-Y, she is EAT- SLEEP-EAT-ACTIVITY-SLEEP and sometimes Y. But, she is only 5 months old and can't spell.

My fear: Public outings

Lady O is now four months old and I have not taken her anywhere alone. I never knew it would be so difficult. The truth is I have a FEAR of taking my baby out in public. What happens if she starts crying and I can't help her? Then I'm standing in the middle of a store alone or in line for coffee with no one to help me. What happens if I'm driving and can't help her in the backseat? I think about these scenarios all the time. Wondering when I will just grab her diaper bag, pick up the car keys, and get us on the road to anywhere. A couple of people told me I should go to Target and get it over with. Easy for them to say, they have already conquered this fear. The other day while I was at a bread store there was a woman with a three year old girl and an infant in a car seat. I couldn't believe they were just sitting at a table eating lunch like no big deal. I asked her how old the infant was. Waiting to hear he was 6 or 8 months. But, no he was only 4 months old. Just like my baby O.

We just started going for runs alone in our gated community. I am taking baby steps to slowly travel outside the gates. The week before Easter I took O on a test trip. We went to the mall with my mom. I wanted to buy her an Easter dress and knew I needed to drive somewhere. I planned the outing around her feeding at 12:00, jump in car at 1:00, and back home by 3:30. I was hoping she would sleep most of the time. Nothing ever goes exactly as planned. We arrived to the mall at 1:30 and she woke up the second we walked into the store. With her big brown eyes staring at me I grabbed the dress I saw online and a few other outfits. As she started to fuss we rushed to the register and quickly left the store. I panicked and could not even imagine walking to another store. "Let's get home now"! That was my fastest trip to the mall. Not sure if I'm ready to venture out completely alone. I know one day I will put on my big girl underwear and get it over with. I often day dream of wearing a cute outfit, wedges, and cute handbag on shoulder while pushing my baby in the stroller. It will happen.