Introduction to baby
I realized that once you become pregnant you are often left sitting on the sidelines alone. I have become sort of a loner searching for a group to belong too as if I don’t know what team to play for.
The first team is very familiar to me and I should feel comfortable with them. They are the woman called single or married without any children. But I’am now looked at differently. Sure they smile, act polite and pretend everything is the same but it’s not. I will not be invited to the same outings or to join same old conversations. It is as if I’am a foreigner who can’t possibly understand them. Obviously drinking alcohol is out, even as I try to look cool with a non alcoholic beer in hand. When plans are made to head downtown to the newest club or bar eye contact with me is avoided. Plus who wants to shop with a pregnant woman. I can’t squeeze myself into the latest hot brand jeans and can’t pretend I have someplace to wear the trendy tops of the moment. Guess I have to keep the fall must haves from Pea in the Pod to myself. Would not want anyone jealous of my pants with the expanding belly band. My favorite part are the good original questions, such as “How far along are you”, “Are you excited”, “Do you know what your having”, and of course “Have you thought of any names”. Now I’ am not saying these woman are not nice because they are, I use to be one of them. They probably don’t even realize their behavior has changed but the list of things we have in common has just changed a bit.
Well, I thought joining the team called woman with children, be easy, but think again. They sort of remind me of a cool cliche in school, or at least they think they are. There is a special language of baby products used, special techniques they practice, and just their overall “we know more than you” attitude. The way they speak sounds as if they have been mothers forever even if it’s only been 6 months. I feel like saying to them “calm down your not that advanced”. Again here I’am trying to squeeze myself into the conversations when I have nothing to offer. What can you add when my new discoveries, fears, and questions are so “last year to them”. I consider their advice to be helpful and I may even use some of it but I won’t give them the benefit of knowing that.
There is the last team, I know tryouts are not even necessary. They are the wonderful other pregnant woman. Also known as the woman who give you the cold shoulder, give a quick look over in order to compare size, and can’t handle more than a smirk when you say hello. “Really”, is this how we need to behave. No matter what trimester we are in, giving birth and pushing a head out is in our very near future, shouldn’t this bond us together. So, I joined a pre-natal yoga class in hopes of meeting a possible pregnant friend. I could so picture us meeting for lunch or walks, discussing the mom blog sites we discover, laughing at ourselves as our bodies grow, and comparing our baby registry. No such luck. I walked into a class with five other woman, we introduced ourselves, told our due date, what the baby gender is, and if it was our first. I did attempt to be friendly with one girl, we both smiled an asked each other a few questions but once her friend arrived our conversation ended. After the very relaxing hour the women rolled up the mats, slipped on their shoes and headed out the door. Perhaps, each woman wants to pretend no other pregnant women exist so they can live in a private pregnant bubble with special treatment. I just want to tell them “Look I just want to compare stories, share some excitement, and your not even cute.”
In my search for a team to join I have found that I already belong to the best team. It’s called A&A, Alex & Adaline. We can laugh at my growing belly, listen to my burps, feel the baby kicks, share my cravings, listen to my complaints, choose baby products together, recite how great I still look, gossip about the other teams, share our fears and best of all share our joy. Our team is complete including our little girl Lucy (the dog).
11.04.09
We had our 36th week check up a couple of days ago and everything is looking good. I always try to ask a couple of questions and sometimes I wonder why I bother. If I say that my feet are swelling more, I’m told it’s normal. If I say constipation is starting, I’m told it’s normal. When I say I sneeze all the time, it is also normal. So, why do I say anything at all. Maybe I say things because inside I am really nervous and hope some answer will ease the nerves.
Now that we are in the final month panic is starting to tug on my arm. It’s that roller coaster line and my turn is so close. There is no way out of the line, I can only move forward. I look behind me in case someone wants to cut in front, but no such luck. Some of the woman look larger than me but they’re turn is not for awhile. To ease my nerves I try taking 3 deep breaths, start humming or play the denial game. The coaster attendant is walking up to the women toward the front of the line, asking if they are ready and explaining what happens once they are strapped in. I know he is going to ask me soon. Am I ready to answer? This is the time you cry for your mom and hope someone will let you toss in your Wild UNO card.
It is all about the unknown. Not knowing what to expect even if you’ve read the book “What to expect when your expecting”. All the books and all the advice are really just a bunch of words because as the line moves forward I can’t remember a thing. I started reading about how to care for the baby. All of this information is so foreign to me. I won’t know what is helpful until she is here with us. Part of me wishes I could jump over the delivery part and get an early start on feeding. Maybe I can just close my eyes and when I open baby Olivia will be in my arms and the delivery will be a blur. No one can take my place on this ride, my ticket was purchased 9 months ago. There are no transfers or refunds. I know this is the best ride out there, not everyone gets this opportunity. I tell myself it will be worth the wait and the end will be amazing.
11.10.09
My 34th birthday was yesterday, my last birthday before I become a real mother. It was a different birthday than past years and not just physically but also mentally. I can say It was a great day and I had a feeling of peace that I never had in past years. On the past birthdays I usually think a lot about the number itself. Think back about the year and what I hope to do within the next coming year. Sometimes birthdays can be a bit depressing when you start to pick at your life. There is often a feeling panic to hurry and accomplish something more.
Not yesterday. When I woke up my husband said “Happy birthday beautiful”. We got dressed and went out for the one wish I had, to eat yummy pancakes. I think this may become my new birthday tradition. I normally make sure I fit in a good workout on my birthday. I always like to know my weight, minus the 1 in front, it's not the same as my age. I’am a bit crazy like that. However, this thought did not enter my mind. Plus, I think when your nine months pregnant controlling the number on the scale is not something you care about. I did not have any negative thoughts about the past year if anything I was thankful. Thankful to enter this new age as a new woman, a future mother. Thankful that this birthday had nothing to do with a number. Thankful that Alex and I had overcome the bumpy road of the past year and were now stronger than ever. Thankful that we are going to start a new chapter in our life together. Thankful for god’s plan because here we are waiting to meet baby Olivia Grey. What could be a better birthday gift? We have a baby on the way, had pancakes for breakfast, my favorite butternut squash soup with dinner, chocolate lava cake for dessert and a very chilled dirty martini (just kidding). We can save the martini and scale for next year.
11.30.09
I’am sitting here trying to think of where to began, I have my laptop open and our baby girl Olivia sleeping next to me in her moses basket. Everyday since November 18th has been amazing. Not in a “well rested amazing” but more of a “what a blessing amazing”.
She was born 11 days early. The last doctor appointment was just 5 days before and not a single clue was given to us that this baby was coming soon. I was told by my sister and others that my stomach had not dropped, this was to be a sign of labor around the corner. Each day I would check out the belly and wonder when the dropping would start.
The couple of days before her arrival I was really consumed with the thought of giving birth. I originally had a birth plan or at least a birth idea. The idea was to have natural delivery without any medication. Now, this sounds crazy and hearing the words come out of my mouth did not make the decision easy. I felt like backing out of the plan. Reading books on labor did nothing to ease the pain that was coming my way. All I read about was the pain and it was going to be the worst pain I had ever felt. So, I had to ask myself what was my reason for no medication. I knew my sister survived the birth of her two children this way, was not easy but she did it. Was I trying to compete with her in some way? I have always been an active person, keep my body in good shape, and enjoy distance running. Was this another challenge, like a race I needed to complete. There are also the side effects to having medication so you never know the outcome. I was not trying to win a medal, I just wanted a fast uncomplicated delivery with a healthy baby. The idea of not wanting meds means having to stay focused, if that was really my desire. It felt as if the clock was ticking louder and faster, the decision of a birth plan had to be made.
The night before I drove myself to the Tuesday night women’s study at church. I remember a having a very peaceful feeling come over me. As if all the thoughts and worries about the birth were being carried away. I knew everything was going to be ok no matter what happened. My prayer request that night was for a safe birth and for the Lord to give me the wisdom I needed.
Early the next morning, the time came. I woke at 6:00AM to a cramping in my stomach. Seemed some what normal to me, I had been having this pain often in the morning. I got up used the restroom and laid back in bed. Within another 10 minutes I felt a slow dripping begin and could not hold it back. I knew in that moment my water just broke. Once I stood up I did my best to stay calm and not alarm Alex to much. I calmly said “Ok, my water just broke”. That was it.
The roller coaster line I had been waiting in all these months just got very short. My turn was coming up next. With ticket in hand I knew there was no turning around. I could hear the park attendant asking if I was ready. As I placed myself into the seat, the attendant came by to check the seatbelt, making sure I was secure. Here I go, a slow start up the first climb.
Everything was going slow then things started to move very fast. I first called my doula, Jackie, then called my mom. The pregnancy websites I had been reading daily told me to pack a hospital bag. I even printed out the list offered online. The thought of packing was in my mind but the action never happened. I had become that woman. The woman who thought she had more time and kept putting things off. But as we all know, man makes plans while God directs his path. So my path was leading towards delivery.
One thing Alex and I remembered about the class we had with Jackie was, active labor will start when you no longer have a smile. I had time to take a shower, blow dry my hair and even add a bit of makeup. I knew pictures were going to be taken in the hospital and I was not wanting to scare people with a bad photo. In one moment my breathing was controlled, contractions were being timed and I was feeling ok. Then within a few short minutes everything changed. I hunched over the kitchen stool and grabbed on tight, the feeling of a strong contraction took me down. I often wondered how I would know what a labor contraction was. Would I be able to tell the difference between a real one and a Braxton hicks? How would they feel? I can now answer for myself. Yes, you will know the difference, you will not want to smile, it will pull you down, and there is a difference.
Once, I was seated in the back of my sister’s van on route to the hospital there was no turning back. I did make a point to text my best friend Traci and let her know I was heading in. All big moments in my life have been shared with her so why would this moment be any different. But, as we got closer to the hospital the contractions began to come faster and stronger. I wanted to cry out for some help but knew inside no help was going to be given. Pray and breathe was all I could do. Somehow I finally made it onto the wheelchair and taken to the elevator. If time ever came to a sudden stop it happened that day. Because, it took a lifetime to get into my labor room. I could feel my head rolling around as if I was possessed. The moans coming out of me where frightening enough.
The contractions continued to stay strong and the feeling to push this baby out was overwhelming. I was able to hold on till the doctor arrived. Once Dr. Haggerty was ready so was this baby. Because of the swine flu issue hospital visitors were limited. A patient was only allowed to have two visitors total, for the whole day. This meant Alex and our doula were the only two allowed on labor day. Jackie placed my mom and sister on speaker phone so they could be apart of the experience from the car. I had my very own cheering section during the pushing excitement.
Olivia entered our world at 10:56 AM. My birth experience was amazing. Our prayers for a fast birth were answered. A first birth, natural delivery, without medication, finished in 4 and 1/2 hours...this should be a record somewhere. But I’am not one to brag. Our beautiful baby was 5 pounds 13 ounces and 19 inches.
Having your baby placed into your arms for the first time is amazing all of your thoughts during pregnancy are now a reality. To finally see the face of the tenant who has been residing in your uterus for all these months. I think her first thoughts are “where am I” and “hey lady are you ready for me”.
Just like a snap of the fingers we are now parents. We are now responsible for this new life, how crazy is that? We are happy, excited and scared at the same time. But ready or not here we go...home.
