I can take a hint...we won't be friends

Can't believe I've been in Baltimore for three years.  Time really goes by fast when your with kids all day.  One struggle I seem to face with being a stay at home mom is making friends.  Meeting other moms with children. I often think about how much fun it would be to have play dates or lunch dates. Call and say, "what are you guys doing today."  Just being able to share a laugh, whine to, or drink some wine ;) would be lovely.

Wish I could say, "it's me not them."  But so far, it's the women I've met.  They don't like me.  Truth is I'm not always the friendliest person. (shocker, I know)  However, since I've left CA, I've been forced to step out of my comfort zone.  Signed up for meet-up groups where I walked into homes of complete strangers.  Joined Stroller Strides for two years. I spent three mornings a week walking around an outlet mall pretending I was really working out.  While, trying to make small talk with woman that could care less.  Attended a few play group events and mom's night out (sorry, but Olive Garden should never be a MNO option) just saying.  I finally realized I was never going to fit in.

When we moved to our now home in February, I had hope for new friendships.  One evening Alex mentioned he saw a mother and her little boy down the hall from us.  He adventually convinced me to introduce myself (again, out of my comfort zone).  The introduction went well, so I thought.  Her son was 2 1/2, she was home all day, and she didn't know a lot of moms in the area.  Perfect, right?  Wrong.  Ever since that first introduction I only receive a small grins from her.  The couple of times I've seen her outside I did ask about going to a children's museum or another kid activity.  Never, did she say "oh, we should meet, or get together."

I started to realize we were never going to be BFF's when I ran into her at the train museum story time. Not exactly a happening place, unless your a member.  Happy to say, I'am.  On our first visit I brought my MIL with me. Always nice to have help at story time with two kids.  Stuff can get pretty crazy up  in there.  I spotted her ahead of us at check in and part of me felt a glimmer of hope.  The hope for future train meet-ups.  I quickly turned on my (I really care voice) and said, "look girls it's Charlie, hi."

Her response, a head turn in my direction with a grin.  Seriously?  Do I not live four doors down from you lady?  Since that day there have been a few other head nod moments.  Times when I'm running outside, walking into the building, or just out an about.  However, her husband has no problem saying "hi Adaline", anytime I see him.  My husband likes to say, "oh, did you see your boyfriend again." Hey, I can't help it if someone is polite.

Maybe one day I'll get annoyed enough to say, "hey what's up with your wife?"  Why doesn't she like me?

However, the final straw has been drawn.  I took my youngest to a play gym class outside of the city.  Guess who walks in before us?  Yes, my nice neighbor. Once again I received a head nod after saying hello.  Went through the entire class without saying a word to each other.  I even tried to shove my kid into hers for some interaction.  Nothing.

I may sound whiny about this but it bothers me.  Sure, there are more things I could try.  More excuses I can make for her but it's time for me to say, "what-eva's."  My small cool chic's and I are taking our ball and going home (or down the hall).  Your loss lady!

Finished the full race.

Here is my recap of the uphill and downhill climb.  Did my best to break it all down for you.

1.  Felt good at the starting line even if I didn't make it to the restroom one last time.
2. The race begins I'm great for two minutes, then I trip. Yes, I did it, fell again. Luckily it was not serious (skinned knee) but I thought I would get trampled if I didn't get up fast.
3. I did a good job staying with my pace group. (3:55) Then I passed them after the hill on mile six Yay!
4. Saw my husband cheering on the side at mile eight. Early enough I was able to smile and wave for the camera.
5.  Mile 10-12 rain started. Thought,  "oh, they'll have to stop the race". No luck. Rocky theme song "Eye of the tiger", was playing as we turned a corner. Now I feel like a real runner.
6. My husband is cheering me on again at mile 13. Half Marathon done with a good time of 1:53. Only 13 more miles to go.
7. Mile 14 we run by our building and I see my little ladies with in-laws. So cute, I gave them high fives an hear them say "go mommy".
8. Thinking I might live through this thing after all. Grabbed a bag of chips and banana that were handed out. Then up a hill to mile 16. Band was playing "Sweet home Alabama" as half marathoners were merged in.
9.  Legs are starting to feel heavy and I decide to walk, and focus, again. A man running the half offers me a Motrin, then asks if I want to split it. " umm, no". What am I back in my club days being offered some party pill. No thank you! I pick up my feet and start moving.
10. Close to mile 18 the worst happened. Up another hill and my left knee felt as if it was going to collapse under me. I was screaming in my head. " No,please!"  Then pacing group (3:55) passes me. I might as well toss in the towel now. There goes my good time. Bye Bye. Mile 20, and 21 were tough. I wanted to cry and just stop altogether. My knee was hurting. I stood on the side for a second, looked at my phone and saw the battery was dead. A nice police officer asked if I was ok and if I needed water. Wow, people are nice to me.
11. My feet and knees are moving again up another incline and I'm just focused on breathing. Five more miles I can do this. Wish I had the strength to fix my time but couldn't do it.
12. On mile 24 the downhill begins. Going down hill would be great if it wasn't so painful. Uphill is so much easier at this point. I'm now thinking, "where the 'blank' is mile 25 already, come on!"
13. Spectators on the road are the best. Cheering everyone on, saying "almost done" and "you got this". Some people were even handing out cups of beer.  I begin thinking, "Wow, I just ran a marathon". Crazy! Got a bit teary-eyed.
14. There it is, the finish line.  I can see the balloons. The crowd is getting louder. If only I could sprint pass the 70 year old man who looks like he may fall over, I would feel so much better.  I see the clock and I'm thinking "please don't start with a four ". But it did and this race is finished. 4:04 time.
15. There is my very supportive husband waving to me an saying "You did it!"  My happiness and exhaustion are mixed together. Please give me my medal, free food, and get out of my way. I want to sit, now!

Funny, I use to wonder what people thought about while running for four hours. Now I know. You just think about the mile ahead, pray for strength and hope all the people you passed don't pass you.

Till we meet again Mr Marathon. Believe me, we will. It's on. You might be 26.2 miles of struggle, but I'm a mom of two little girls under age four. You can't break me. I'm now a Marathoner!!

Running my first full...

The day I've been training for, the past 10 weeks has arrived. I'll run my first full marathon tomorrow.

While on the pavement I've had sometime to really think about why I run and who I run for.  I became interested in running around 12 years old. I would run with my aunt & mom. I ran my first 5k wearing Keds because I didn't want to wait on the sidelines for my mom.  After running 5 half's and reaching a nice PR of 1:44 this year, I knew what was next.  Running is who I'am.  I'm not creative.  I don't have a career.  I'm now a stay at home mom with two little girls.  Running lets them know that mom can do more than have tea and dance parties.  More than get dinner ready and take care of them all day.  I can really do something for me.

There is nothing easy about running.  I've fallen a couple of times.  My knees ache once in awhile. My legs are sore at night.  My toenails are officially disgusting.  My husband has given up every Saturday morning of relaxing and sleeping in, to watch the girls and walk to farmers market (it's very cute).

Running gives me the chance to feel proud of myself.  Not everyone can run a long distance and I've always admired anyone who can.  I'm running for my parents (wish they could see me finish) I'm running for my husband (because he's with me everyday ) I'm running for my girls (I want them to know they can achieve their goals) and I'm running for me.  So I can enjoy more wine :) jk

No matter what happens tomorrow I'll know that I did it.  Nothing can take that away (accept for the rain that is expected).  Thank you Jackie @ fit sparrow for believing in me when we've never met. It's been fun.