Eating out again

Well it finally happened, we ate in a restaurant, all three of us. On a beautiful Sunday afternoon we headed out into the public just to stroll around town. We are always thinking about what we can eat while out, but unfortunately, Subway and McDonald's are the usual choices. This day however, my husband suggested we try a restaurant. The words, "serious, really, and are you kidding", came to mind. But it was a Mexican restaurant and they serve margaritas so count me in.

I walked up to the host stand and added our name to the wait list. The manager asked, "how many"? A simple question, but how do I answer? Technically, we are still two but now there is a little person attached to us. Does she count as one? I responded, "two please". My husband added, "and a stroller". The Manager informed us, "that it will be a bit longer". Perfect, now we are being punished for pushing a stroller around.

As we sat waiting, buzzer in hand, I wished 'O' could understand the 'evil eye' stare that only a mother can give. The one that says "be on your best behavior". After 20 minutes the manager sat us in the center of the room with plenty of room for our Bob stroller. I have to admit, I was afraid of having my baby cry, causing people to look at us. I know those people well, I use to be one of them. Once the server approached, we were ready with our drink orders. Knowing I was once again going to enjoy a margarita, along with chips and salsa, made the wait worth it. We made it out of our lunch without any injuries, minimal crying and no ugly looks. That was our first step into being a party of three..please.

1st Mother's Day

Wow, I still can't believe I'm a mother. I have really been thinking about this day a lot over the last week. A few times while I'm holding O I just start crying for no reason at all. Just a flow of emotions, I guess. There is so much I want to say to her and thought I should write her a note.

Dear my sweet Lady O,

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,

You make me happy when skies are GREY

You'll never know dear how much I love you, so I will tell you everyday.

Years ago I never knew If I wanted to be a mother. Once I began to think about wanting a baby I never knew when it would happen or if I would know how to be one. Then your daddy and I found out we were going to be blessed with a baby...and it would be a girl. What joy! I was so excited but scared at the same time. I had been told everything will fall into place and the mothering instincts will kick in. I hoped so.

The day you were born was amazing, the doctor placed you in my arms, and my first thought was thank you Jesus. She is perfect. You are now close to 6 months old and the last few months have been far from easy. Recently things have started to change and you are now showing all the wonderful "normal" baby behaviors. Either you are becoming an easy baby or we are getting stronger.

I was looking into your eyes yesterday and I could hear you talking to me while I started to cry. You said..."mom why do you look sad? I am getting better everyday and look how happy I'am. You and daddy make me smile so much and I don't feel anymore pain. Jesus choose you to be my mother and gave me this special birthmark on my face because he knew you could handle it with his grace. Lets make a promise mom to be joyful everyday..I love you mommy".

"Oh my little O you've taught me so much already you don't even know".

Love you mom

Yes, as a mother you want everyone to see your baby as you do, beautiful and have a problem free life. I have heard small children look at O and then turn to a parent and ask, "mommy why does she have that on her face"? Your heart breaks and in the moment you can't respond. However, next time I will say that is her special beauty mark Jesus gave her and it makes her really strong. I hope Lady O knows how special, loved and beautiful she is...perfect in every way just as she was created to be. Happy Mother's day.

Facing my fear

I did it! I finally faced my fear of public outings with baby. Yes, I lived to tell about it. Not only did I head out into the big scary world once this week but I went twice. The first experience was a bit frightening. As I placed O into the car and drove away I told my husband "we may just make it around the block, see you in 5 mins". But, that didn't happen. We made it to our first baby outing to meet my sweet friend and her two twin lovelies. The five us strolled around Balboa park and stopped a couple of times for feedings. Not us, them. Maybe once I get better at reading O's signs I will stop mistaking sleepy signals for food. No one wants food shoved into their mouth when all they want to do is sleep. Or do they? Anyways, the park trip was successful and we look forward to many more.

The second outing was to MOM's park, aka the mall. This was the real test. We would find out if O and I could be real life long friends. I mean if we can't shop together what will we do. I don't cook, don't have a lot of girlfriends, don't have a single creative bone in my body, and don't care to spend too much time in the sun. She was great and would start to make noise when it was time to move on. I did learn how to not waste anytime in a store. The rule is "yes or no and go". If only the sales people would get a clue, see a mom with stroller move things along. No time to be chatty Cathy and no one wants to sign up for credit cards. We both left the mall with a little something. (She doesn't know it yet). The great thing about strollers is they hold your bags. Finally, I don't have to carry anything. Now, on the next trip to MOM's park I will let her teach me how to window shop.

Fever time

We almost made it one week without rushing to the emergency room. Almost. Monday night O woke up at 11:30, by the time, I picked her up from the crib she started spitting up. Once, I had her sitting on my lap the projectile vomiting started. She was burning up. Good thing I'm not afraid of taking the wonderful rectal temp. 103! I've always known that babies can get sick but what in the world am I suppose to do with a high fever? We did our best not to panic as O continued to vomit up nothing.

While holding O, I tried to scan through the Baby 411 book and google baby with high fever. My husband called the after hours peds office to get the same answer. Finally, we decided to follow our parental instincts..off to the ER we went. We signed in at 12:30am, triage took her temp twice, she continued to vomit a bit more, and finally the doctor walked in the room at 4am. Really? Wow, glad it was an emergency. After a few hours of trying to find a diagnosis they decided she needed to be admitted to the hospital. "Here we go again".

Because O takes a beta blocker and a steroid for her hemangioma missing a dose is never good. If she can't keep food down then the medication won't stay down either. The nurses spent a good hour trying to insert an IV into her small body. Watching your little one cry from being poked by needles and a thin catheter put up her nose to clear out the mucus....not nice. As I rub her head and plant kisses on her forehead all I can do is look forward to seeing her smile again.

The hospital stay lasted for one night in our own private room..definitely a plus. Having a baby roommate on a different feeding schedule along with nurses and doctors walking in an out all day, means no rest. At least this time we could sleep or try to. I made it through the night with Lady O. First thing in the morning I saw it, there it was staring at me, the big brown eyes and the sweetest grin spread across her face. Life is good. Once the vitals were back to normal, feedings and medication were given, we were good to head home that afternoon.

I never thought...2

Today was the first day we left Lady O with a sitter. I never thought, I would be that paranoid mom who panics the entire time away. Surprise, I'am. My agent called a couple of days ago to let me know about an audition in Irvine. This would be at least an 1 hour and 1/2 drive each way. Of course traffic is going to play a big part in the drive. My sweet husband offered to drive me (carpool is the way to go) and suggested we leave our lady with my sister & mom.

The idea was to spend time talking and enjoy the drive together. Did not happen. I could not even take a car nap. My only thought was "how soon can we be back home"? I really tried to focus on the audition coming up but it was difficult. I was so relived to see only 5 girls in front of me. A short wait means we would be back on the road very soon.

What did I think was going to happen to my baby. She would scream the entire time? She would wake after a nap and see I was not there when she woke? The ulceration on her lip would bother her and make her cry? She would be really gassy during a feeding and not eat? I really had no idea what could go wrong. Maybe it was just a case of the "mommy worries". Instead of making the drive enjoyable I made it miserable.

Once we made it back to by sisters house, I see my mom outside holding O in her arms. O just had a blank stare on her face and I could hear her saying, "mom I'm fine, calm down". Yes, for one afternoon I was that crazy psycho mom.

Just a thought...

I'm thinking about filing a missing person's report, for my old body. It should read something like this... Fit 5'4 119 pound female body missing. Was last seen first week of April 09 (when it discovered a baby was growing inside). Lost somewhere between Conception street and Delivery way. Was possibly wearing a pair of fitted Hudson blue jeans, t-shirt baring toned arms and 4'inch stiletto shoes. If found please contact temporary body, the UN-TONED female at 858- I'am-Lost. Thank you

Baby Books

Are new moms suppose to read the baby books before the baby arrives? I have been trying to read a couple of baby books for the past four months. I could really use some guidance. Lady O is now five months and I never finished Baby Wise. Maybe that is one of my problems? I never had the chance to understand her feeding times. Now, I am trying to read the Baby Whisperer and I carry it everywhere. Will reading a page a day get me anywhere? Probably not, I won't ever add that title to my resume.

I really wanted to learn about setting up a sleep schedule and I'm envious of mom's who have it figured out. "Nobody cares". Everyday that passes without me reading is another day of less sleep. So, one book tells me to follow the E-A-S-Y plan. Meaning= Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time. I think the Y needs to be dropped because it never happens. You really don't get to sleep when the baby sleeps. Once the baby goes down I can open mail, pay bills, return any important calls, make the bed, start laundry and anything else that NEEDS to be done. What is YOU time suppose to mean? Oh I know, its your time to finish reading this silly baby book.

One more thing, my baby is not E-A-S-Y, she is EAT- SLEEP-EAT-ACTIVITY-SLEEP and sometimes Y. But, she is only 5 months old and can't spell.