Facing my fear

I did it! I finally faced my fear of public outings with baby. Yes, I lived to tell about it. Not only did I head out into the big scary world once this week but I went twice. The first experience was a bit frightening. As I placed O into the car and drove away I told my husband "we may just make it around the block, see you in 5 mins". But, that didn't happen. We made it to our first baby outing to meet my sweet friend and her two twin lovelies. The five us strolled around Balboa park and stopped a couple of times for feedings. Not us, them. Maybe once I get better at reading O's signs I will stop mistaking sleepy signals for food. No one wants food shoved into their mouth when all they want to do is sleep. Or do they? Anyways, the park trip was successful and we look forward to many more.

The second outing was to MOM's park, aka the mall. This was the real test. We would find out if O and I could be real life long friends. I mean if we can't shop together what will we do. I don't cook, don't have a lot of girlfriends, don't have a single creative bone in my body, and don't care to spend too much time in the sun. She was great and would start to make noise when it was time to move on. I did learn how to not waste anytime in a store. The rule is "yes or no and go". If only the sales people would get a clue, see a mom with stroller move things along. No time to be chatty Cathy and no one wants to sign up for credit cards. We both left the mall with a little something. (She doesn't know it yet). The great thing about strollers is they hold your bags. Finally, I don't have to carry anything. Now, on the next trip to MOM's park I will let her teach me how to window shop.

My fear: Public outings

Lady O is now four months old and I have not taken her anywhere alone. I never knew it would be so difficult. The truth is I have a FEAR of taking my baby out in public. What happens if she starts crying and I can't help her? Then I'm standing in the middle of a store alone or in line for coffee with no one to help me. What happens if I'm driving and can't help her in the backseat? I think about these scenarios all the time. Wondering when I will just grab her diaper bag, pick up the car keys, and get us on the road to anywhere. A couple of people told me I should go to Target and get it over with. Easy for them to say, they have already conquered this fear. The other day while I was at a bread store there was a woman with a three year old girl and an infant in a car seat. I couldn't believe they were just sitting at a table eating lunch like no big deal. I asked her how old the infant was. Waiting to hear he was 6 or 8 months. But, no he was only 4 months old. Just like my baby O.

We just started going for runs alone in our gated community. I am taking baby steps to slowly travel outside the gates. The week before Easter I took O on a test trip. We went to the mall with my mom. I wanted to buy her an Easter dress and knew I needed to drive somewhere. I planned the outing around her feeding at 12:00, jump in car at 1:00, and back home by 3:30. I was hoping she would sleep most of the time. Nothing ever goes exactly as planned. We arrived to the mall at 1:30 and she woke up the second we walked into the store. With her big brown eyes staring at me I grabbed the dress I saw online and a few other outfits. As she started to fuss we rushed to the register and quickly left the store. I panicked and could not even imagine walking to another store. "Let's get home now"! That was my fastest trip to the mall. Not sure if I'm ready to venture out completely alone. I know one day I will put on my big girl underwear and get it over with. I often day dream of wearing a cute outfit, wedges, and cute handbag on shoulder while pushing my baby in the stroller. It will happen.